With the Dragon in sight,

I chase all night.

The high hits my forehead

my feet both left and right.

Im no rhymesayer, the rhymeslayer.

Winter blues have my cavities all white.

those long nights start to show damage.

Im worried about this itch in my bannana hammock.

Fuck the metaphysical lets get litteral.

Im high on yayo worried about the side chicks for

whom im providing mass dick. 

Im just a prick with no place to go, so I fill holes to help the time go…

BYE.

I blew it all for fame and a dame,

my mind’s dripping.

What a wonderful smell,

this fresh white cocaine.

my luck is running out.

it seems that everything I have,

everything I want,

slips from my fingers.

I have family. So much family.

Only one of them feeds me when Im starving. What a cousin indeed.

You call yourselves my parents but when it comes down to it I was my own.

I am my own man and that I should be proud of,

I should hold my chin high and lavish in my accomplishments.

Id really rather off myself. 

Im swimming in self pitty.

Bathing in angst.

I wish this was my last letter but honestly I can’t

I want to watch us exist
our film premiers in my mind
rewind please be kind
when again will your face be mine. 

In between a rock and a boulder
I look around to find a soft spot to lay my mind.

Their all gone.

This is hard, so fucking hard.

I want to know. I need to know. Why won’t the Doctor’s tell me. We have our differences but he’s my father. I can’t lose him again. Not yet. Not now. I need an embrace.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m surrounded by bodies. Covered in concern. Care is all around me and yet I have no one to hug.

Last time I had all of you. So close. You held me you listened you loved me. No one can see my tears. You let me shed them. Doing this alone is harder then I’ll ever let you know. You knew me, you cared, you loved me. You took me to the closest person in my life. You took my hand from my best friend and said don’t worry I got this.

I push through. I make jokes I ignore the fact that inside Im exploding.

This is life, time to deal with it. 

Im a sex addict, I want to fuck the world problem is Im not a fan of using condoms.
Impregnate the shit out of every single walking orifice.
Bust my balls all over the short and tall.

a simple issue is just getting worse.
Doctor screams that I got problems on my mind.
I have a hard time listening as I take her from behind.

This monster isn’t new to me.
Truth is we just haven’t seen each other in quite a long time. 

She knows the exact place to put her hands.
I fall to pieces. My back; her canvas.
Iv cursed in Spanish, cried in Korean.
There have been many Iv brought to bed.
Shes the only one I wish would never leave it.

9 months have gone,

I know this child well

in my arms, in my life

such uncertainty blossoms and I am scared

It won’t be long now until you are out of my life again

Our relationship is born again we just won’t admit it 

we just won’t get back into it

I taste your lips, a kiss mixed with tears and fears

I haven’t had faith like this

failure is still a very strong possibility

I won’t doubt it

nor shall I slow down the life I currently lead

one day you will read all this and know my mind

till then Ill hold my ground 

and await what we put on pause.

Tonight I live for nothing but vice.
I challenge each one to do me in.

Ill take you all on.

Nose plugged
lungs clogged
liver hurting

and hips thrusting.

Tonight I fuck the world and see if I make it till morning.

I miss that girlfriend sensation.
Security, compassion, respect,and love.

You have to be an idiot to not want to be there. 

Fall asleep every night with love literally under your arm and tell me it doesn’t change you. 

What really gets me is Iv always been so scared of it. Run away from it every chance I get. So it’s no surprise that when she left me I fell into an old and comfortable self. I felt dirty, I don’t regret it, but I regressed. 

Through a wave of love lost and found, I felt I could bring myself back up. Be the man I was becoming. A man I was proud of. With Responsibility, compassion, respect, and love. I knew I could do it.

With that confidence I should be making leaps and bounds. I should be climbing such a ladder at an incredible pace. Instead I hold my footing and get really good at stagnating.  

Ironic or fitting, I’ll let you decide. Now that the so called “love of my life” is about to return, I am just fucking everything that comes my way. If this is a defense mechanism I just don’t get it.

Anyways Im going on another date with a random babe from the internet and you know how these have gone lately.

Fuck.

Im putting myself on the line. Im ready to risk it all. You’re worth more then the sun and stars. If you cant take this chance then let me know. Your honesty will break my fall.

All the days I can’t see your eyes,

I don’t want to open mine.

Where do you go when you fall asleep?

Im asking only because in our dreams I feel like we meet.

I’m scared. Actually I’m frightened.

My clock tick tick ticked out.

I’m done with these games.

I’m over your insecurities.

I could care less about your uncertainties.

Who am I kidding.

I care too much and that’s my own fault.

No one has captured my heart and your presence looms closer.

Iv been under half the city trying to get over you.

Just accept my demands, work with me please.

Or leave me like the rest. Alone and apparently free.

Those who know it call it a game. Those who don’t, call it a dream.
I call it you.