If I could only say this to your face.

In between a rock and a boulder
I look around to find a soft spot to lay my mind.

Their all gone.

This is hard, so fucking hard.

I want to know. I need to know. Why won’t the Doctor’s tell me. We have our differences but he’s my father. I can’t lose him again. Not yet. Not now. I need an embrace.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m surrounded by bodies. Covered in concern. Care is all around me and yet I have no one to hug.

Last time I had all of you. So close. You held me you listened you loved me. No one can see my tears. You let me shed them. Doing this alone is harder then I’ll ever let you know. You knew me, you cared, you loved me. You took me to the closest person in my life. You took my hand from my best friend and said don’t worry I got this.

I push through. I make jokes I ignore the fact that inside Im exploding.

This is life, time to deal with it.